[Sapio] The Sapiosexual 101



So, what is a sapiosexual?  The answer is both simple and complex.  In the most basic of terms a sapiosexual is a person who is attracted to the intellect of others.  If you ever found youself fawning over a teacher, an honor student, or highly intelligent fictional character then you are likely a sapiosexual.  Now the complexity of the term comes in the fact that the desire for an intellectual partner can be as simple as a preference or as overwhelming as a fetish.  Some people are in need of intelligence to even feel attracted, while others might find attraction in the fact that their partner is capable of holding a decent conversation and is educated enough to understand complex ideas.

However, despite differences between the levels of importance for intellect, the basic question still remains: do you find brains sexy?  If the answer is yes then by definition you are a sapiosexual and if the answer is no, then you are not.  Yet, in the general nerd community it would seem that most people fall into the sapiosexual category to one extent or another, though there are exceptions.  It should also be noted that to be a sapiosexual you do not need to be smart.  In fact lesser educated or less intelligent people have perhaps a greater tendency to be sapiosexuals because often times a person will seek out lovers that have traits they lack (i.e. an introvert dating an extrovert).

Highly intelligent people tend to build groups of friends that are intelligent and thus intelligence is not necessarily something that is a ‘must’ for a partner.  However, the power or status that comes with intellect can be seen as highly desirable by those who lack that or are surrounded by those who lack that trait.  For example the attraction to a teacher is a simple way of seeing the lesser educated person desiring the more educated person.  There are plenty of vapid people who seek doctors, lawyers, and professors for marital partners and while the common rule is that they do it for money, it is also very likely that there is some sapiosexual aspect to their attractions.

It should also be noted that attraction is more than one little part.  After all, someone who likes blondes might be dating a brunette or a person who likes taller partners finds one that is of equal height.  While people can use a generalization to describe their ideal partner it is not always the main thing that a person will look for.  However, there are still means by which to take advantage of the interests of others if you are an intellectual looking for a worthy partner.




Being an intelligent or well educated person has many advantages, but it often comes with the disadvantage of spending many hours studying instead of socializing.  It is very common for intelligent people to be socially awkward or have limited social skills.  Thus searching for a partner can be difficult and searching for a partner interested in their brains is even more difficult.

There is no ‘one way’ to attract someone else.  Experts, books, and just about everyone else has a different method or offers different advice.  However, when attracting a sapiosexual things are a little different.  This is due to the opportunities that occur to show off your brains within the nerd world.  The real trick with this is to not appear like an ego driving douche.

One of the easiest ways of showing off your knowledge is running panels at conventions.  Signing up and speaking may seem intimidating, but it is very easy to do especially when you have some expertise in the subject.  If you love hero comics, do a panel on that, if you love import video games that’s your panel.  Take what interests you in the nerd world and work with that.  Show that you are both knowledgeable and passionate about the subject matter and people will come up to you after the panel to follow up.  If you are attracted to one of those follow up audience members then ask them to join you for something else at the convention and see where things go.

Secondarily it is possible to write about nerdy topics or make intelligent posts on websites or social media.  While finding a partner from this is not likely it can drawn in people whom you may meet at various events.  This is not a reliable method and will likely not work out as well as one might expect, but it does get your name out there which come lead to any number of positive results.

Third, you can go to any normal ‘meet market’ while carrying indicators that will tip people off to your intelligent nature.  Something things like college shirts, a book, or having a discussion with a friend can let people know that you are on the smarter side.  While bars, clubs, and parties might be filled with people don’t expect anyone to just jump at you and ask you out.  You need to not only put out the ‘smart’ signals, but you must also notice when you are noticed by others and you must not be afraid to talk with those that notice your status or show interest.

A final thing to keep in mind is that you should dress the part.  Smart people have a stereotypical look of being well groomed, nicely dressed, and often avoiding anything trendy.  Having glasses or being clean shaven are not as important as one might think, but be sure that if you do want to go the beard route that you make it look nice.  Look nice, show off your intelligence, and don’t be an arrogant prick that’s about all you need to do in order to have a sapiosexual eventually find you.





Whether you are average or genius you might find that you are also a sapiosexual and you’d like to get that perfect erudite person to notice you.  Well, as stated above the smarter folks tend to not be the most social, so the first tip is to approach them and talk with them.  Odds are a smart person will not be an extravert so you will have to make the first move.  Also bear in mind that you should not be overly aggressive in this approach, just talk, and flirt if the feeling is right.

Beyond that there is not much else that can be done.  The intellectual will either be into you or not.  The only other things you can do to put things in your favor is to look nice, be friendly, and most importantly be patient, socially inept people tend to not pick up on signs too well.  If you have moved to a point where you feel a little more comfortable with your erudite love interest then don’t be afraid to ask him or her out, even if that ‘date’ is something like seeing a panel at a convention or playing video games. 


Let’s face facts, many people think that smart is sexy and now we have a word that defines that desire.  So go forth, have fun, and remember that just because we are nerds and geeks doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a loving partner.


– Jared

jared @ scarlet-rhapsody

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