Attack of the 43cm Village of the Damned Child
Text & Photos: Tom

On a Sunday of March 2007, one ball-jointed Village of the Damned child named Cosette arrived at the house of her papa Tom. As briefed by her sister Eponine--who visited Tom frequently devising plans to kill him or at least drain his wallet--Cosette expected heavy resistance from Tom during her quest to kill him. Though she considered it fun, she had no idea why Tom was so against getting killed. The only thing Tom feared more than an intentionally evil Village of the Damned child was an unintentionally evil Village of the Damned (VotD since I'm getting sick of typing "Village of the Damned") child. With an intentionally evil VotD child, you expect it to be evil and will be ready to defend yourself. But with an unintentionally evil VotD child, who knows what it's capable of? But Cosette's carrier Victoria convinced Tom to take care of Cosette for as long as he lived, which would not be long if Eponine had her way.

Cosette: "Please, Tom? Can I kill you? I promise it'll be fun. Eponine said so."

Cosette spent the early afternoon as many innocent children do on a lazy Sunday. She lounged about the house where Tom and Victoria were visiting. Victoria had bride's maid business to take care of with Claudine. Because Tom was not a bride's maid, he was stuck babysitting Cosette and Claudine's VotD child Mini Me Lady Saiyan. The two VotD children got along well like a house on fire.

They ate cake-sized cookies prepared by Joanne.

Then they played Tom's favorite childhood game: Who can shut up longer?

Cosette won.

Tom was happy that the two weren't playing games that Eponine and Cosette play together such as "Give Tom Coffee" (he still has burns from the spills) or "Hangman."

After taking care of the bridal business, Tom and Victoria went home to his place. The two decided to take a rest after all of the Wonder Con activity and left Cosette to her own devices. Curious, Cosette walked over to Tom's gun collection in hopes of finding something Eponine would like. But she stopped in the middle of her voyage when she felt something under her foot.

And the recently crushed wasn't alone.

The troopers took up defensive positions while Jedi Master Mace Windu fled to call in reinforcements. Cosette spotted the people beneath her and squealed, "CUTE!" She picked up troopers one at a time to examine them. After dropping a few, she finally was able to talk to one.

Cosette: "Can I take you home? You make a cute doll and you can serve Eponine."
Trooper 469 (Not to be confused with the recently crushed Trooper 411): "Um, no."

Mace Windu returned to the hot zone with reinforcements and with their combined firepower, they managed to cause absolutely no damage against the 43cm Village of the Damned Child.

The battle was clearly one-sided as Cosette confused the troopers' laser blasts for flashlights. Not even Mace Windu's lightsaber had an effect. Acknowledging their ineffectiveness, the troopers routed from the battle. HQ decided to dispatch something bigger and newer in Cosette's direction.

When Tom learned of the threat of the Village of the Damned children and their plans to occupy all the homes of people in the world via carriers and kill those immune to their charms, he contracted the Local Experimental Gear Originators (LEGO) Corporation to build something that could combat the VotD children. LEGO responded by developing the BYM (Big Yellow Mech) bipedal machine. Armed with a hand cannon, a spear, and missles, the BYM designed to stand and fight on equal footing against the VotD children. It was piloted with the obligatory anime male pilot.

HQ briefed the pilot and launched him and the BYM to Cosette's location. Originally intended for use against Eponine, the BYM would have its first test run against the younger and smaller Cosette. "Heh heh," giggled Cosette, "Tom's room has more friends for me to play with." She stood up and LEGO discovered a minor flaw in their BYM design.

"GOD DAMN IT!" cursed the LEGO representative. "I told those guys to build the BYM in INCHES!! NOT CENTIMETERS!!! Who came up with two different standards of measurement!?!" Despite the difference in size, the pilot proceeded in his attack against Cosette. He squeezed off a few rounds from his hand cannon before lunging at Cosette with his spear.

"Oh, I know this game," Cosette said, "Eponine and I play 'Poke the Tom' all the time when he's asleep." The BYM continued its lunging attacks and Cosette, while unharmed, was getting really annoyed. "Quit poking me," requested Cosette. "Why not pick on someone your own size?" But the BYM would not disengage its attack. After the 50th poke, Cosette asked the BYM, "I wanna play something else now." Before the BYM could answer, Cosette began her new game.

"This game is called 'Stomp,'" Cosette said, as she performed the action associated with the name of the game. "I learned this game from watching Tom and Victoria jump on that dancing pad game." The BYM toppled backwards. Unable to regain balance, it was as helpless as a turtle on its shell. It desperately fired a few more rounds of its hand cannon before running out of power. Victorious, Cosette examined the downed mech for salvage before taking a rest.

"I have a spear for now," Cosette proclaimed. Then she remembered that she was on her way to Tom's gun collection to pick up something for Eponine. So she pocketed the spear (ouch) and walked towards the closet. But there was one last obstacle in Cosette's path. Unlike the other obstacles, this new distraction succeeded in halting Cosette's movements.

"Cat!" purred Cosette as she glomped a nearby plush cat that happened to be sitting in Tom's room. Whether by coincidence or through intended placement, Cosette's innate adoration of the feline kind stopped her dead in her tracks. The next morning, Tom and Victoria found Cosette hugging that cat for who knows how many hours. Quietly and quickly, Tom stuffed Cosette in Victoria's bag and handed her to Victoria. VotD child and its carrier flew down to so-Cal and their home. Their departures made Tom sad (Victoria) and relieved (Cosette) at the same time. He escaped another encounter with the VotD, but next time he might not be so lucky when he visits Victoria in so-Cal. Will he be able to survive dealing with the combined powers of Cosette AND Eponine?

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